I remember the first time I rode in a plane once I was old enough to actually listen and pay attention to what the flight attendants were saying. This was awhile ago, before wifi and everyone carrying around a computer in their pocket, so there wasn’t a lot to do during their safety speech besides listen to them. I remember every one around just quietly sitting in their seats and absorbing the information like they had heard this little safety talk many times before. Whoever was talking got to the part about oxygen masks and casually mentioned that if you had a little child with you, it was important to put your mask on first and then help them with theirs. AND NO ONE REACTED. It was like, “oh yeah, of course I would do that.”
I was not a mother at the time but I had practiced mothering my siblings plenty and had started babysitting here and there. It sounded quite harsh to me. I loved babies and could only imagine how easily I would give my life for my own kids should I have any one day. I could feel how important it would be for me to make sure they had oxygen and continued living even if it meant that I died.
Since it seemed that no one else was thinking what I was thinking, I didn’t make a big ruckus, but instead just sat in my chair acting like everything was cool and just as it should be.
Some years later, I realized that if I passed out before getting an oxygen mask on some crazy squirming kid then I couldn’t help either of us. I would fail in saving them because I hadn’t given myself what I needed in order to be able to help them. This is a great picture of what I imagine when I hear the word self-care.
For many years, this concept of taking care of yourself was contradictory to working hard and accomplishing great things.
When someone was available to their boss 24/7, they were praised for being dedicated to their job. When someone worked long hours or went on countless business trips, they were hailed as hard workers.
It went much further than that though. If a mom served in multiple roles on the school PTA and helped as team mom, etc until she was stressed and worn thin, she loved her kids. If a dad took out loans to buy his child a nice new car, he was a good dad who would make sure that his kids had whatever they wanted. We neglected our health, both physical and especially mental, in order to exceed expectations set upon us by our culture. The world around us told us this is how we prove our love to the very people this kind of lifestyle neglects.
In the Christian culture, it masquerades in a more dangerous way because we think we are loving others the way Jesus would. When someone asks us for help, we think we can’t say no because it wouldn’t be loving or servant-hearted. If someone calls with a request, we drop everything else we had planned in order to step in and help.
In contrast, if we need something, we often neglect to ask because we don’t want to be a burden to those around us or we can’t admit that we aren’t self-sufficient.
Thankfully, we have started to see clearly that in order to love those around us well, we must put effort into keeping ourselves healthy. We must have boundaries and pay attention to our physical, emotional and mental health levels. I know I can’t be a very good or loving mom to my kids if I’m stressed out and exhausted from all the hours I have spent volunteering.
Jesus modeled this for us, so we know that a healthy Christian life involves boundaries and not wearing yourself out just to save the day of everyone that you encounter.
Regularly in the scriptures you see Jesus walk away from the crowds to be alone with His Father. You see Him obediently preaching and then moving on. In Mark 4, we see Jesus has been preaching to a large crowd on the Sea of Galilee, sharing with them many parables so He must have eventually gotten tired. In fact, we know He is tired because He falls asleep in the boat very shortly after. So, He has been teaching for awhile and as evening approaches, instead of staying there until they all repent or healing everyone of every little ailment they might have, He says to His disciples, “Let’s go on over to the other side (of the sea.)” So they left the crowd sitting on the shore. Jesus didn’t ignore their needs but when the Father let Him know it was time to move on, He went.
There is a story in John 5 that has intrigued me. Jesus is in Jerusalem and there is a pool there called Bethesda. The people believed that angels came down and stirred the waters and the first person to get in would be healed. There is a lame man who had been there for 38 years. Jesus goes down to this pool, finds the man, asks him if he wants to be healed and then heals him. The thing I have found curious is that the scriptures say this pool is surrounded by hurting, broken people. All people in need of some kind of healing and a true miracle. But from what we know, Jesus only heals the one man. It’s as if the Father, for whatever reason, has sent Jesus to that one man in order to change his life in that specific day in that specific way. It would have been really easy for Jesus to stay and give them all a chance to be healed but He didn’t, because that wasn’t what the Father sent Him to do that day.
Living your life at everyone’s beck and call is not the message of the gospel. We are human and have physical limitations. In our lives today, staying healthy on all levels looks like prioritizing your family over work, prioritizing your marriage over everything except Jesus. It means taking time to be alone with the Lord where you can be quiet and just listen. Yes, it means saying no sometimes, even to things that are not evil. You must take care of yourself and not ignore your limitations.
Recently though, I have watched this healthy concept of self-care and boundaries transform into what I can only call self-worship. The pendulum so quickly swung from burning the candle at both ends to only doing the things that make you happy. Today, we are told that if something doesn’t bring you amusement and build your self-esteem then it can’t be good for you.
I’ve started noticing meme’s going around that say, “It’s not selfish to do what is best for you” and “self-care is how you get your power back” and “healing is an inside job” and “everything you need, your courage, strength, compassion and love: everything you need is already within you.” These things sound nice, good and healthy but they fly in the face of what Jesus modeled and said.
Jesus asks us to come to Him to find the power to overcome. We don’t look inward to find peace and rest for our souls. In Matthew 11 Jesus says, “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” He never says to look within yourself for you already have everything you need! Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Take your heart to the Lord, do not depend on what you can understand. When you are looking to yourself to find healing, when you are depending on yourself for strength, when you think that you can work hard enough to find peace, you have placed yourself on the throne of your heart. You live as if you don’t need Jesus for anything but He says He is the only and everything.
If Jesus had done what was best for Him, He wouldn’t have lived as a homeless traveling preacher. He would have demanded respect, He would never have washed His disciples feet and suffering ridicule, a false trial, a wrong conviction and a humiliating painful death???? I don’t think so. He did these things because He wasn’t thinking about His pleasure, His fun, His comfort, or His healing. He lived dependent on the Father and in obedience to Him. He lived a sacrificial life with whatever boundaries the Father gave Him. He didn’t demand to be treated fairly or only love those who loved Him. He didn’t only do the things that brought Him instant satisfaction. Instead He lived a life of humility.
There is a big difference between humility and self-deprecation. Philippians 2 shows us how Jesus lived a life of humility and calls us to live according to His example. Jesus didn’t live outside of his physical limitations, He simply did the things the Father asked Him to do and did not do the things the Father didn’t ask Him to do. He didn’t run Himself ragged but He did lay down His life for us and asks us to do the same.
So how do we live sacrificial lives of humility while also keeping healthy boundaries? We pray, listen, wait, trust and obey. We don’t hesitate in our obedience but also we don’t listen to the liar when he tries to make us feel guilty about everything we are not doing. We don’t determine our yes and no’s based on what makes us happy or what we feel qualified to do. If God asks us to do it we say yes. We don’t base our answers on what is easy or what we are already doing. If God says no, we let go and walk away. We don’t look to our own wisdom, power, and strength to know what to do or make ourselves feel better. We seek the Lord’s wisdom, power and healing.
When we take our hearts to the Lord and look to Him for healing, value, purpose, direction and affirmation, we are able to love like He does. When those needs are already met, we can love difficult people with healthy boundaries because we are in that relationship to love them, not to be loved in return. We can even be sacrificial in our love for others because we already have everything we need from our Father. If the Lord asks us to love someone, we do it no matter the cost because we don’t actually lose anything. If He is asking us to sacrificially give, He will provide and restore.
We make our lives an altar where we sacrifice our desires for the Lord’s plans, knowing that He never disappoints.
I pray that we would be diligent in seeking His face and faithful to obey.
Your Fellow Traveler
Lacey
Find True Joy 