Have you seen any memes or tweets passed around that implore you to be kind? The biggest one that comes to my mind is how Ellen DeGeneres would end all of her shows saying, “Be Kind to One Another.” This was a slogan for her, it was even printed on clothes she designed. These sayings are everywhere. On t-shirts and notebooks and bumper stickers. All kinds of celebrities and TV personalities are always preaching kindness with their words. “It’s Random Act of kindness day, let’s all do something kind for a stranger today.” “HEY YOU! BE KIND TODAY!” “One small act of kindness, one giant leap for humanity.” “Kindness is free!” “Sprinkle Kindness like confetti.”
Ok, you get the picture. What I found that we actually mean by these phrases is either “YOU should be kind,” or “be kind to ME.” I find myself driving down the road, someone cuts me off, and my reaction is to get mad and angrily say, “well, that wasn’t very kind of them!” We think the world will be a better place if everyone else will just be kind. There’s one huge problem with that, we can’t control everyone else. We get so mad when other people are unkind, thus behaving in the exact way that we are frustrated with someone else acting like! Classic example of the tea pot calling the kettle black.
I recently read a little story somewhere on the internet about an elderly lady that boarded a bus through town. Who knows if this story is real or not but it caught my attention. So the lady is sitting in her seat, waiting for her stop, when a younger woman boards the bus carrying three arm-fulls of bags. She obviously causes some commotion as she tries to fit down the aisle and slide into the seat next to this elderly woman. She is in a bad mood and as she tries to sit, she ends up hitting the older woman with some of her bags. She realizes what she has done and to her surprise, the elderly woman does not yell at her or really even react. She just continues to sit there, unfazed. The younger woman is so taken back that she has to ask why this woman didn’t get mad. The older woman says, “There is no need to be rude or discuss something so insignificant, as my trip next to you is so short because I am going to get off at the next stop.”
True kindness isn’t shown in response to someone being kind to you first. True kindness is shown when someone doesn’t deserve it. I think this is the heart behind Jesus’ statement to “turn the other cheek.” He said, AFTER someone has slapped you on the right cheek, THEN turn to them your left. He didn’t say check to see if they are going to hurt you and if they don’t then you can know it is safe to expose your vulnerable cheek to them.
I am the first born of my family and like to follow the rules. I like to follow the rules and I like everyone else to follow the rules. Everything would be so much simpler and nicer if everyone would just FOLLOW THE RULES!!! You may laugh but this is my brain’s default mode. This is why I can get so mad on the road because A LOT of people do not follow the rules. Of course this includes the rules like speed limit but I’m really talking about the rules we all agreed to in our heads. For example, not driving past a long line of people waiting to turn right at a light and then jumping over into the lane right before the light and cutting the line. It’s just wrong. Wait your turn like everybody else! This is for sure the kinds of things that aren’t worth the discussion because my trip with the other people on the road is so short.
There are so many insignificant things that I struggle with being kind about. Anytime there is a line somewhere, my kindness has a difficult time sticking around. When people are inconsiderate, I lose me cool pretty quickly. Why would you get in the right lane if you are going straight at an intersection when you could have waited for the light in the left hand lane and let people turn right at the light and not have to wait??? You see what I mean. Little little things that really do not deserve a discussion, they can just be let go. We call these things pet peeves usually. They are different for everyone but when we let them get on our nerves, we don’t respond with kindness.
When Jesus talks about turning the other cheek, He is definitely talking about these insignificant things but I think He’s talking about bigger issues as well. He is talking about when we are inconvenienced and even when we are hurt. Someone didn’t comment on a picture we posted on social media or forgot to call us back when they said they would. We didn’t get invited to that one party the other night. A friend told someone something that they didn’t tell us and instead of feeling like they don’t like us, we can just let it go because our trip here with the people around us is really just so short. We can still be kind to the people in our lives, we can talk about it if we need to with them, or we can actually let it go and still love them well.
That’s the idea, not just being kind to those who are kind to us but to those who aren’t kind to us. In His sermon on the mount, Jesus is talking about loving your enemies. He says, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” The point here is kindness isn’t a response to people who are kind to us. It’s no big victory or act of love when you respond with kindness to someone who was kind to you. It’s like my 14 year old celebrating because he beat his 10 year old brother in basketball. Like, big whoop man, you’re like 2 feet taller and much faster.
When we preach kindness we must be willing to be the first person to react with kindness. We have to choose that kindness will not just be a response to kindness for us, but will be a response to rudeness or someone being inconsiderate or “cheating the system” if you will.
Before I continue, let me stop and I say that I do know there are situations that neither this simple bus story nor Jesus are talking about letting continue. I want to make this really clear. There are physically abusive situations where someone is continuing to beat up on you and Jesus does not mean stay in that situation and continue to take it. If you continually have to hide bruises, you need to find help to get out. I believe there are other types of abuse, neglect, manipulation and bullying that are harder to see but do not fall under the umbrella of turning the other cheek. If someone is being evil to you, you can walk away. Letting a bully continue to bully you is not what Jesus wants. You are showing kindness to no one when you stay in that relationship. You show kindness by standing up for yourself and forcing them to look at themselves more clearly and get help from someone besides yourself.
I’m talking about the kind of instant outrage that leads to fights in traffic and in grocery stores, people feeling like they needed to put that stranger in their place and teach them a thing or two about the way the world works. This kind of pride and arrogance is not how Jesus lived and it’s not the kind of lifestyle He has called us to.
This is one of the things I’m working on right now, trying to be the first one that responds with kindness when I have “every right” to be rude back. I’m praying through my response, that would be counter-cultural right now, someone would recognize Jesus in me and the heart beat of Jesus would reach strangers around me. I pray that those close to me would easily find grace and forgiveness and feel loved by me.
Your Fellow Traveler
lacey
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